The goodbyes to friends last night was filled with lively dance music where we sat on a patio way up high on a roof. I enjoyed the company of my pals, along with the delicious drinks.
After I got home I finished up on things that were required to create an immaculate apartment for my return, and, to double check in order to be very certain of all the things I wanted to take with me. Being realistic about what I should take to keep things light as I travel around had given me pause to think and wonder if I am being realistic about what I am doing?
However, with how great things have felt since all these decisions to change my life have been followed through based on my instincts, I continue to feel that this is right; that it was meant to be. I was going to feel it even more on my first day of my journey to the north.
I slept on the midnight bus until my arrival. The sun was not quite trying to rise just yet as we pulled into the depot.
I grabbed my little bags and adventured to the closest Tim Horton's down the road. I even took a tiny short cut that involved me jumping down from a bit of a large concrete wall. As I landed and continued on it made me think that I am still that brave kid who liked to leap off high things despite my fear of heights. As I sat at the Tim's with my extremely hot beverage and watched the navy clouded sky I saw it transform into a glow of purple and pink waves, with the sun glowing orange.
The Large Town (as I will refer to it) I have come to is not unfamiliar to me. I had lived here one in my twenties with my father and, at the time, step-mother. I even went to college here for three glorious years.
During those three years I would go between visits to my hometowns (yes more than one) using the buses. The depot I arrived at in this Large Town is exactly the same; and had been used mainly for me to leave for home visits during the time I lived here, or, to return to Dad. For a brief moment as I had walked to the Tim's, I felt like I was in my twenties again and should walk south toward where he once lived; because that's what I usually did back then, never taking the local buses, I always walked the forty-ish minutes instead.
After I sipped my cup until it was cool enough to my liking I headed in the direction of the hotel to where my Aunt, youngest sister Sam, and Mom was. I was greeted with love, warmth, and excitement... even if they were all super sleepy and in their pajamas.
Adventures of the day took us to our favourite shopping spots. Then, later in the day, Sam and I were left alone to the heart of downtown.
When Sam and I were much younger we spent many weekends in this area seeing what was new and exciting. Many shops and the old cinema were still there, and some of them were even under new ownership with some revamping. Still, the hearts of these places felt the same.
The essence of this town still feels the same: it is now too large to be considered a town, but has never felt big enough to be deemed a city either, though that is now what it is considered to be. And as I remembered the times of my early twenties and the friendships I made here along with the education I got with the best teachers ever, as well as the time I got to spend with my Dad... I was once again reminded of how it all made me what I am today. Furthermore, how it was a big stepping stone to moving to a much larger city; and the bond that began as a friendly acquaintance that started here in this Large Town, that would became a very grand friendship in the city. This friendship is the one I now have is with my Bestie. How lucky was I?
In the last couple of hours I am reminded of something else... nothing to do with the history of this Large Town either... but rather as to why I am taking on this adventure in the first place... Mom.
Despite Mom has fought cancer twice, she now deals with other issues, the ramifications of her battle you could say. Same with my Aunt, who has not fought cancer, but is fighting something else. While I look at their faces and remember how old they are now and all their aches and pains they endure, I must consider something more than I ever have until now, which is their mortality.
I have always been prepared to die first amongst my sisters, being the eldest of course, but I am not sure I am equipped to be what I know I will need to be once those who came before me disappear from my life, my tiny world.
I pray for my loved ones; their physical, mental and emotional health. We all need help and our well-being seems to be in a delicate balance of sorts. I am worried, yet, calm about it. Also. I just found out my blood uncle and his partner are creating a havoc in their own little world too.
Amongst other things I am discovering about my loved ones, I know more than ever (for however long or short my time is), I was meant to come home. However, the big question pops up now:
How can I help?
~Ange
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